It's not easy navigating your developing queer identity. Wherever you fall on the LGBTQ+ spectrum there are questions about resources, coming out, what it means to be part of the queer community, how to navigate the queer community, where to even FIND the queer community. We understand that not everyone has the support network to ask these questions, and even if you do, they may not have answers for you. That is why the San Antonio Public Library is partnering with the Pride Center to bring you The Tea Room!
The Tea Room is a safe space for you to ask about what you want to know regarding being a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Questions are answered by experienced members of the community who have been where you are and can offer their perspective. Submissions do not have to be under your real name, although we do ask that you put a name or phrase down so you may identify your question if it is posted. We will post 2-5 questions and answers at the end of each week. So have a seat and let's spill the tea!
***This form is for those who have questions about navigating the LGBTQ+ Community and queer identity. For questions about the Tea Room program itself, please submit at this link
**Please be advised that the responses given are based on personal experience and respondents are not trained or licensed counselors. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact a mental health professional. You can do so at the Alamo Area Resource Center's Health Equity Clinic (210-688-5792) or The Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386). Please also see the City of San Antonio’s disclaimer regarding city websites.
*Questions and responses posted bi-monthly on Saturday*
I am starting to question / wonder if I am asexual. I know that the basic definition of this is "refers to individuals who experience low or no sexual attraction to others" but I'm trying to get a sense of what asexuality means in real life. I.e. I'm looking to compare my thoughts, feelings, etc with others that identify as asexual to see if they are similar to mine (I get that everyone is different, just trying to figure out if I'm in the right ballpark). Thoughts or suggestions for resources?
When I was questioning my sexuality, I did a lot of intensive googling and watched tons of YouTube videos looking for people's stories; I think this is a very common experience of trying to see who you can relate to.
A great resource for learning about asexuality is The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. They have lots of education resources as well as potential ways to connect with community. I also suggest searching about asexuality on YouTube, Tiktok, and other social media platforms to see ace people talk about their experiences.
Questioning your sexuality can be a very stressful experience, I can definitely relate to that feeling of overwhelm. Once you figure it out, though, it can be very liberating to understand this piece of who you are.
Wishing you all the best,
Hello Overwhelmed (great name. Very honest)! Good to hear from you.
First off, the definition of asexual can shift considerably with each asexual person, so if you feel that you might be asexual, try that label on and see if it fits. Maybe you might not express your potential asexuality in the same way as other asexuals you know, but that’s okay. And maybe you aren’t asexual after all and that’s okay too. The point is that you have the freedom to explore and see if that helps you understand yourself better.
Recently we were looking through different queer authors to see what more we could find in terms of LGBTQ+ stories. It might do you well to look up resources like QueerSFF located here https://bookshop.org/shop/queersff. They specifically have Asexuality spectrum books with authors whom you can look up and see what they have to say about being asexual whether they have their own social media or websites (and many tend to). This could be a good starting point for you and if you’re feeling adventurous, you could see if any e-book versions of those books listed might be interesting to explore with asexual characters. Also, the very excellent book *Every Heart a Doorway* by queer author Seanan McGuire has an asexual main character, though it can get graphic (it’s a murder mystery). When in doubt, turn to fiction to talk to you about day to day life, right? We suggest reading queer fiction as a supplement to finding out how asexual people express their asexuality.
A good resource to see if you can find anything related to asexuality would be to check the massive resource list located over at https://www.sagender.net/resources. You’ll find a ton of different options to go through, so take your time with it. Thanks for your question!
— F.S. of Harmony Heart <3